Elves bemoan work slowdown, “Forget the cold, I’m staying in Sonoma for the winter” says Jolly Old Man
NORTH POLE – Santa Claus, the jolly old elf known for his Christmas eve tradition of delivering toys to deserving boys and girls, has left the frozen North for good. In a letter sent to his office at the top of the world, the man also known as Kris Kringle states that he was “moving to Sonoma County in California’s wine country,” and that he was unsure when, or even if, he would return.
Part of the reasons Papa Noel gave for this dramatic turn of events included “lack of greenery up North, can’t find a decent heirloom tomato to save your life, and I’m tired of slipping on frozen reindeer stuff.”
Reaction to his departure ranged from shock to resignation.
“I knew going down there for a holiday might not be a great idea,” said Mrs. Claus, his wife of several hundred years. “With all those great restaurants, over 250 wineries and spas that invite you to spend all day there, why would anyone want to come back up North? I am both shocked and resigned.”
Attempts to reach Ol’ Saint Nick were unsuccessful, and the usual attempts to track him via regular radio updates proved frustrating.
At first radio stations would report that he was seen shooting 3-under at Links at Bodega Harbor, but then he was able to get clear across the county for a spa treatment at the Fairmont Sonoma Mission Inn. Then, in the wink of an eye, he was reported to be touring wine caves and sampling local vintages. Inexplicably, he then appeared to collocate, appearing at the Sea Ranch along the coast AND walking along the Petaluma riverfront, admiring Victorian homes.
###
